"Botero" drug creates sensation

New weight-gain drug has spear-headed a social revolution

“Chunky Mommas” leader Big Momma Ray rallies her troops at a Chunky Momma Convention.


Botero, the radical new innovation in the field of medicine that “plumps up women,” as drug creator Alfred B. Goodness said, has launched a new revolution of public image, creating a body of “Chunky Momma” women that, as Goodness explained, sends them “back to our natural predecessors.”

“The point of the drug is to bring women back to their roots,” Goodness said. “Forever women have been pressured to ‘tighten’ their figures and meet social standards. I am simply trying to bring us back to our natural predecessors.”

The drug works by slowing down the mitochondria of the body’s cells. The mitochondria, often called the “powerhouse” of the cell, generates a great deal of what is called adenosine triphosphate, or ATP, which is used as a source of chemical energy.

“I slow the mitochondria down, therefore slowing down the various processes involved in the body, such as weight loss,” Goodness said.

While the science community was originally skeptical of Goodness’ findings, repeated studies of the drug have shown that Botero only targets the specific function of the mitochondria involving weight loss. All other processes, such as cell growth and death, are left to perform fine.

“It’s an amazing achievement,” said Dr. Ralph Spellman, a biologist who teaches at the University of Michigan. “Goodness has achieved something that we biologists only dream of: the opportunity to play God and re-work his most precious creation, the cell; and, in the process, produce a thriving breed of healthy, juicy young women.”

And while the scientific merits of the drug have never been in doubt, the social impact was questioned during the first few months of the drug’s existence. Now, however, the drug has created a new breed of women who proudly declare themselves “The Chunky Mommas.”

“We ARE ‘The Chunky Mommas!’” declared group leader and self-described Botero junky Big Momma Ray at the latest Chunky Momma Convention in McCormick Place, Chicago.

“This was me five months ago,” Ray said, as she showed the 1,000 plus women in the convention a picture. “Look at that!” Ray said, “I only weighed 120 pounds! I was thin, frail, and constantly under pressure to trim my figure.”

“But NOW” Ray continued, as she walked from her podium to the face the crowd, “I am over 300 pounds of woman, and I am hard…to…handle!”

The crowd went wild, as Ray’s charismatic leadership has driven group membership in the hundreds of thousands.

“I suspect we’ll be at a million members by the end of the year,” Ray said. “This an all-out social revolution, and I want history to remember ‘The Chunky Mommas’ for what they were: bold, healthy, and very, very, juicy.

Note: this news piece is a total joke. I put it together for my graphics communication class. IT IS NOT REAL!!! :)